The notion of the networked application API is an unsalvageable anachronism that fails to account for the necessary complexities of distributed systems. There exist a set of formalisms that do account for these complexities, but which are effectively absent from modern programming practice. A written distillation of the talk originally given with these slides can be found at http://writings.quilt.org/2014/05/12/distributed-systems-and-the-end-of-the-api/